How to Look Stupid on the Internet

You know, you don’t don’t have try very hard to figure out how to look stupid, particularly if you live and work on the Internet. We’ve all screwed up an email, tweeted something we shouldn’t have, or behaved inappropriately in public. I’m probably guilty of making myself look stupid at least once or twice daily. That’s not what I’m talking about in this post.

What I am talking about is how to look stupid in a way that most of us can only dream of. I’m talking about spamming a group of influential WordPress community members for no good reason and expecting something good to come of it. Yes, I’m serious. No, I’m not making this up. Let me give you some context…

A while back, my good friend Carrie Dils wrote a post about an unfortunate situation with her local WordPress meetup group. She was trying to get more involved and managed to get one of the organizers to invite her to speak. Awesome, right?!

Apparently not. The main organizer of the group didn’t seem to like the idea of Carrie speaking, so she uninvited her. On the one hand, she’s the organizer and it’s her prerogative to do that. On the other, the WordPress community has always been focused on sharing, teaching, and helping people. I guess she didn’t get the memo.

The whole situation seemed insane to me, so I left a comment on the post and had a conversation with Carrie about it on Skype. After hearing more about it, I was really glad that our Tampa Bay WordPress Meetup has an outstanding organizer named Alison Foxall. Unlike the organizer of the Dallas Fort Worth group, she goes out of her way to be inclusive and make sure everyones voices are heard. Alison is a badass and she’s also an amazing WordPress designer. We’re lucky to have her.

After talking to Carrie, I figured everything that needed to be said had been said and that was pretty much the end of it. Boy was I was wrong. Earlier tonight, I, and everyone else who left a comment on Carrie’s post, received one of the strangest emails I’ve ever read. Here it is, in its entirety:

How to Look Stupid via E-Mail Spam

Hi! You commented on Carrie Dils post at http://www.carriedils.com/wordpress-community-is-not-your-competition.

I am the person being slandered in the post; thought you might like to hear my ‘side’. I sincerely doubt that Carrie will ever publish this comment I made to her post. And, although we are in the same city – Carrie has never contacted me directly.

I have been a tireless worker for WordPress and WP community since 2008. The DFW WordPress Midcities Group that I organize is the *only* WP Meetup in this area sponsored by the WordPress Foundation.

“Hi Carrie! Just found your well-written rant about me. Congrats on good use of the ancient stratagem of presenting yourself as a ‘victim’ in order to garner PR.

Fact: You were never un-invited you to speak.
Fact: Because – You were never invited to speak.

Rudy vastly over-stepped his bounds by inviting you (or anyone else) to speak; he had no authority to invite anyone to do anything. I asked Rudy to act as moderator or speaker for the Meetup and he accepted. He had no authority to invite 3rd parties; and did not ask for permission to do so.

You want to talk Truth? Contact me. But my guess is: Your victim position is working well for you; and uncovering the truth of the matter is not on your radar. And, you seem to be having so much fun gossiping about me Kind of hate to interrupt that….

Dorian”

Wait… What?! I was blown away when I read it. Aside from the fact that this happened more than six months ago, who does things like this? On what planet is sending an email to everyone who commented on a blog post and ranting like a crazy person a good idea? Would you hire someone who does things like that? I wouldn’t…

When I read Dorian’s email, I didn’t think “Hey, I’m glad she reached out and told me her side of the story”. I thought “Wow, what a complete jackass. Who is this lunatic?” If you ever find yourself in a situation similar to Dorian, do yourself a favor and don’t flip out. You won’t clear your name, you’ll only make yourself look stupid. Really stupid.

So, How Do You Avoid Looking Stupid?

I considered putting an educational spin on this post and using it as a tool for people who want to avoid looking stupid when faced with negativity online, but I’m just so flabbergasted that I don’t even know what to suggest as an alternative. Maybe someone else will have some ideas. Let me know in the comments if you would have handled the situation differently. Maybe together we can help people avoid making themselves look stupid, although I’m pretty sure it’s too late for Dorian Karthauser.

An Important Side Note:

The Dorian in question is NOT Dorian Speed. Normally this wouldn’t be worth pointing out, but Dorian is a pretty uncommon name and I wouldn’t want anyone to confuse the two. Dorian Speed is also based out of Texas and she’s nothing like the leader of the DFW Group. Just figured I’d make that crystal clear.

Candy Olivares

I think it’s too late for Dorian too.. I was thinking the same thing. Who does that? I was talked about anonymously one time. I sent the person and email and we settled it. Luckily we weren’t friends on FB so I couldn’t see the status about me on her page.. someone else told me about it. But what good would it have done for me to comment on her status.. no good at all. I would have just looked stupid.. so there ya go.. Just whatever it.. :/
http://www.AustinEstatesRealty.com/ Bobby Brooks

If there was any truth to this role/authority mixup it shouldn’t matter anyways. Any real organizer would be thrilled to have a volunteer willing to speak at a meetup, and they should be honored to have Carrie Dils Speak, she’s like the Princess Leia of Genesis Developers. I think this is more sour grapes because the attention is on Carrie and not on PandaFarts.

If you want positive feedback from the community, you should be contributing and an open and honest way and it will always come back to you… but it sounds like you are more interested in keeping score and looking out for yourself and this is why you’ll always be confused why Carrie’s business continues to thrive and yours looks more like sweet Geocities profile page.
Alison Foxall

When you sent me this URL to your blog and I read ‘how-to-look-stupid’ and you told me that you mentioned me, I was thinking, “oh god what the hell did I do?” =D

This is a classic example of acting like a child, and one with an ego that is attempting protect that ego. It matters not whether online of offline. This type of thing happens everywhere, in every human interaction. The fact that this behavior comes out more quickly online is because we are comfortable. We do hide behind our screens. But that person that just came out is the person who you are at at the core, with underdeveloped interpersonal relations.

I don’t think it’s too late for the person in question. It’s never too late for someone. People are constantly changing and re-evaluating what they did or are doing.

All that being said, it’s just part of being human. We act like children, sometimes we act like parents, and rare moments we act like adults.

One last thing: If anyone does want to speak at the Tampa Bay WordPress meetup, they are more than welcome (actually I’m begging you lol), provided they know the subject material and are not promoting a product or service solely with the talk.
Diane Kinney

Superb photo selection Rob!
Dorian Speed

You know, I guess most people are used to seeing their own name in reference to someone else, but I have to admit that this is a new experience for me.

(A different WordPress Dorian)
- http://www.AustinEstatesRealty.com/ Bobby Brooks
  
  A Cool WordPress Dorian
Kim Doyal

SO glad you posted this!
I got a message last night via Facebook and was floored. I literally sat there thinking, “Really? Who DOES that?”

We all make mistakes and do dumb things. This was a HUGE opportunity to correct a stupid choice, own the ass-hat-ness of the behavior and move on.
The crazy thing is when I read Carrie’s post and commented I didn’t give it another thought. I thought Carrie handled it like a champ.
There’s a fine line between using your voice and being a douche.
David Decker

That’s really strange, to mail all commenters on a post. Never heard of such a behavior!
carrie dils

Hey, just thought I’d chime in. While I’m honored (and extremely grateful) for folks to have my back, I don’t want this conversation to grow legs and run all crazy-like through the halls. There’s enough drama in the world without me piling on.
- http://youneedfat.com/ FAT Media
  
  At least it’ll make for an interesting story during your upcoming talk at WordCamp San Francisco!
  - http://www.AustinEstatesRealty.com/ Bobby Brooks
    
    I hate when national caliber speakers want to speak at word camp, then we get all bogged down with value when we should really be selling pandas
Susan Ramsey

Great post! I received one of those lovely e-mails last night, and immediately wondered why it took her six months to get around to responding to the post…
Cre8tiveDiva

Okay so…. in saying this “I have been a tireless worker for WordPress and WP community since 2008.
The DFW WordPress Midcities Group that I organize is the *only* WP
Meetup in this area sponsored by the WordPress Foundation.”… *only*…. hummmm who said there couldn’t be more than one. Someone needs to come down off their high horse. No one has the market on WordPress or anything else. All it takes is to rub the wrong person… the wrong way. In this age of electronics… the last thing you need to do is write something that can easily be shared by others. It really makes her look like an ass!